sexual perception

Most of the time I think sex is an important part of relationships. I think it's a valuable form of intimacy and fosters sharing more of yourself with your partner. But often in the back of my head niggling problems are running around.

I've spent my whole life in a culture that holds my sexuality to be the most important part of me. I want the person I love to love and want me for more than a sexual being. I don't want them to deny that part of me or attempt to stifle it. I want to learn to be as open in my sex life as I am in other areas. I want to satisfy my partner and myself. But I want very much more for the value of my companionship to be weighed and wanted. I don't want a sexual relationship and the rest in name only. I don't want sexuality to be what I'm judged on.

So I have two sets of fears and problems. The first is that I'm afraid I am little more than my sexuality to my partner. That they don't want my company and input and care unless it's in one form, or conforms to their current wants. This could be hypersensitivity. I'm so frustrated with other people having done this to me all my life that I'm mistaking my partners attempts to be honest and open about their sexuality as a judgment on mine. The second fear is that I'm sabotaging my relationship with hypersensitivity and that the values that are so impressed into me (anathema to who I am and want to be) are preventing me from having the sort of sexual relationship I want. And hurting the other parts of my relationship as a consequence.

Society has some really fucked up ideas about sexuality and women. It poisons everything.. even when you've personally moved out the realm of absurd religious beliefs where the woman is a fallen creature who can only find redemption in her husband, or a girls only worth is in her 'chastity'. It creeps back in because you're taught at once that your sexuality is dirty and wrong, and at the same time it's the only thing glorified in popular culture. I can personally escape the first with some time and effort. The shaming and guilt meets my sense of self worth and understanding and bounces right off. I can't get away from the part where my body and interest in sex is the only reason someone would want to 'love' me.

dictionary please

I'm really not certain that Maggie Gallagher knows what empirical means after watching this. Oh well.. in several generations this is how I think it will play out based on how I feel! If not for having to run around the country trying to build discrimination further into our law, she'd fit in well with Answers in Genesis.

North Carolina won't be holding election for state wide officials tomorrow, but will be holding municipal elections! They are important too! VOTE.

bad day

I'm alternating between headache, stomach pains, and a fever. And apparently things I've forgotten.

ow.

vegetarian

There are a lot of great reasons to be vegetarian. Maybe you feel it's inhumane to eat meat, or that the production process is. Maybe you just don't like meat. (yes some of us don't) But probably the most compelling is the damage that it does to our planet and the human cost.

Make sure you watch the video!

I've been vegetarian for 12 years now, but I still occasionally eat fish because it keeps my relatives happy. I'm considering discontinuing this due to the damage commercial fishing causes.

Mr Suave Pumpkin

This is the LOVE PUMPKIN! We are good friends.

raindrops

I love torrential rainstorms at nighttime. It always reminds me of being surrounded by shattering glass and mercury. When I went for a walk tonight in the rain, instead of just becoming uniformly soaked...

A giant, big, fat raindrop goes SPLOOSH right between my eyes and all over my nose.
This decreased the magical feeling just a teeny bit.

round up!

Better be naturally perky in Somalia or you'll be whipped.

Children are being killed because of churches labeling them as witches.

These people probably just missed the memo of how the church and religion are forces for good in the world. No worries.

Oh, and this is a great idea for Halloween!

Mishmash, God, & Comments

We all get told shit that isn't true, but we believe anyway. In my case, I believed that my sister was better than me because she was 4 while I was only 3. She told me this at the same time she informed me she was a Christian. Being 4 must have seemed more realistically attainable as I honed in on that. I wanted to be 4 so badly so that I could be as good as she was.

It's a fleeting memory from my childhood that I doubt my sister remembers. The point is children easily believe things. Small children live in a world of naughty and well behaved. They understand not living up to the expectations of a parent and the spanking or time out that comes after. How easy is it to tell someone with an unformed brain in a closed environment that God or Santa exists. Somebody your parents tell you exists and is watching how you behave.

Most people who profess a faith profess the same faith as their parents. Believing in a god is easy for them because it was concept introduced quite early, and readily reinforced. You think Islam sounds weird to you? Muslims are still trying to get over the fact that the largest sect of Christians EAT their god in the form of a small cracker.

My last post got commented on by an "abraham" I've never met or heard of. They went on about their special savior forgiving all while ignoring the issue that rape victims are often vilified while rapists are often easily forgiven- their crime passed off as a lapse in judgment or under the auspices of an altered personality or heart.

To be clear for the future... I don't believe in any sort of divine being. I don't care how you wrangle that your special friend forgives or doesn't. If you're willing to address things like how women are affected by purity myths being crammed down their throats, or how victims of rape are treated as a result of pervasive obsession with virginity/purity and often blamed for their rapes then I'm happy to hear from you. I'd love to hear how in your own Christian community you address that. Otherwise... go home. You believe in magical beings and talk to them frequently. There's no need to expand on how you dress your imaginary being in characteristics.
ta.